Parasites

Travel tip #23: take your antiparasitos while traveling extensively in the third world. Here are symptoms to watch out for if you are currently infested with some muy grande parasitos:

• Extreme introvertedness (even for an extroverted introvert such as myself)
• Always feeling full
• Loss of appetite
• Zero energy
• Hermitic tendencies (including avoiding eye contact with ANYONE for fear of having to speak with them)
• Trouble coming up with anything intelligible or mildly interesting to talk about
• Tendencies to write overly serious blog posts
• Homesickness

If you are experiencing one or all of these sideeffects please go see your local farmacia and spend the best ten bucks of your vacation. When I found myself unable to enjoy all the things I usually enjoyed, a dark horrible thought crept into my head. Maybe 3 months of travel is enough. Luckily I consulted my sister, who happens to be an RN, and she advised that as I was sounding rather unlike myself, perhaps I had come down with something. She speedily recommended a course of antiparasitos, as contracting these nasty buggers is a rather common side effect for street-taco-eating-type such as myself. Much to my amazement, after a night of lava belly boiling the living day lights out of these little monsters, in a most peculiar fashion which shall not be elaborated upon, I identified several HUGE parasites which had been living in my bowels.

Today I got high off a burrito and a soda. Apparently the feeling of full nourishment from a meal was enough for AN AMAZING EUPHORIC FEELING!!! Heard it here first folks, burritos the super food. So my dear friends please take note, if you are ever feeling like you’re not quite yourself, perhaps it’s because there’s something else inside siphoning all your very valuable energy.